There are levels to this healing/meditation journey. Truly, levels. That sounds weird to even me, she who Knows what she’s talking about, but it’s true so I’ve got to speak on it.
What I’m referring to is this… You start by getting deep into your light-filled meditation (which took me about a year of regular meditation to tune into). Mind is still, breath is long. You’re just… deep. Deep, deep into the core of your being. The key being that you’re going in, not out. You’re not on a mission to have an out of body experience nor are you trying to reach some foreign Heaven-land or find your Spirit Guides. You are, for all intents and purposes, collapsing in on yourself, energetically. Imploding. Until you find a space where the only “you” is a small but ineffable ball of light at the center of your being. Radiating from the inside out. Heart Chakra wide open, smile on your face. Best. Feeling. Ever. In-lightened.
So there’s that. Then you wake up the next morning and you likely feel a bit… off. Discombobulated. Ungrounded. Expanded. For me, sometimes even a little irritable towards others because my Soul is at large and my doopy-earthlander is like… Uh, guys? *Scratches head* Needless to say, it takes time for your mind, body, Soul trinity to reclaim its cohesiveness. It’s taken days for me in the past, even, based on the depth and length of my meditation. Not to mention the fact that such depth causes you to be an even more fresh-out-the-package energy sponge, so when you get around people you feel yourself instantly start healing them and your mind wants to jump in and be like, “Fuck you, I’m doing all this work to clear my shit out only to come around your clogged up ass and now I have to take on all your issues.” Which is just the ego talking, of course, but it’s also kinda true.
So, yea. And then from there, give it maybe 3, 4, 5 days of no meditation, but pampering yourself as a human in terms of what kinds of things you consume, what kind of energy you’re around, how much sleep you get, water you drink, etc. and then you start to see the magnificence of the work you’ve put in start to unfold. You think clearer, you’re more “you”, happier, smarter, more quick-witted, more in-tune with yourself and others, and your Soul really starts to show itself via a stream of goodness that flows from the heart Chakra through the eyes. You feel like love, to both you and everyone around you. You become the reward for the hard work you’ve done.
It really is work; meditation, healing oneself and others. Being a light in the darkness. It’s never easy. Especially when you don’t have the context for what you even do in the “depths” and therefore get no kind of recognition for your hard work except compliments on your energy and presence and Soulfulness. Recognition isn’t necessary, of course, because the real reward comes in the obvious and immediate impact you have on the world around you, and the depth of joy you feel so much of the time, and the sprinkles of goodness you leave behind, but still. It makes being a human pretty… interesting. What have I been doing with my life for the past 4 years? Meditating. That’s my final answer. So yea, shit gets weird.
But you know, it’s all good. Damn good, to be exact. I decided that if I die today, that’s alright because I’ve spent so much time tuning into the All, and zoning in on my Truth, that just by my Knowing and living from that space, I have expanded consciousness. So yea, fuck being normal. Fuck trying to have context and scientific backing that only end up watering down the real joie de vivre, that which one must feel to really understand. At the end of the day, I’m me and I love Her and it’s Her light that makes brighter the light of the world. That’s all I Know for sure.
I pray you feel the same way too.
With Love, Sole