36 days into a new reality. I was thinking about that today. How you’ll be chugging along in any given direction, and then one day, out of the blue, poof. Life says, “Annndddd we’re done here.”
Like, for example, your mom dies. You’re on your merry way in the direction of being a someone with a mom, a mom who is alive and well and an active participant in your daily life. And then one day, the tides turn and that is no longer the case. You’re now 28 1/2 years down the only path you know, adorned by her presence, and now that part sheds off. Now her physical presence is just… Gone.
What kind of shit is that? Tf? Now what? It’s like you spend your entire life learning how to walk with a crutch, of sorts, and one day that crutch is just gone and you’re left with fresh legs, baby giraffe style.
In a different capacity, I guess a lot of relationships end that way. My situation-ship with he who I thought I’d for sure end up with, until, of course, the day he so nonchalantly dropped the bomb that he had a girlfriend, some 2 years later. What. In. All. The. Fuck. Life, so smoothly flowing in any given direction, and you never question it because it’s just so… Real. Because it feels like love. And in a world that’s over-indulged in the surface layer, anything that feels like love seems like a great bet.
And then, in an instant, you look up and just before you skip yourself off the ledge of a cliff, that path comes to an end. Pebbles tumble off the ledge towards a bottom blurred by its distance. You stop dead in your tracks. Uh, what the? Now what? Go back? Go right? Left? But you were so sure this was the way! How could you just go left now? That feels… Weird. Some, I believe, stay standing at that ledge forever. Focused on its disastrous nature.
Others of us find our courage at the ledge. The courage to change directions. The courage to allow one’s heart to change. The courage to have faith in a new identity, a new journey. The courage to let it be weird and uncomfortable and any other unidentifiable emotions that erupt in the face of change. And the courage to keep moving, regardless of the unknown territory. Because in all reality, forward is whatever direction in which you’re headed.
Life is change. That’s a simple truth. Life is change. The more you lean into it, the more seamlessly you bloom. Grow through it.
With Love, Solé